


Only positive batteries don't work.

by Anonymous



Category: ENHYPEN (Band), 엔하이픈 | Enhypen
Genre: Gen, No beta we die like men in these trenches, This is Kim Sunoo centric?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27339763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Heavy is the heart that doesn't express the hurt.
Relationships: Kim Sunoo & Lee Heeseung, Kim Sunoo & Nishimura Riki | Ni-Ki, Kim Sunoo & Park Jongseong | Jay, Kim Sunoo & Park Sunghoon, Kim Sunoo & Shim Jaeyun | Jake, Kim Sunoo & Yang Jungwon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81
Collections: Anonymous





	Only positive batteries don't work.

**Author's Note:**

> Always run away from the shore, as fast and as far as you can, if you the water ever draws back/recedes/disappears suddenly. 
> 
> Warning: nothing ahead makes sense.

At first, it's tiny. _Very tiny_. And barely noticeable. Or memorable. It's several instances, scattered here and there followed by quiet moments of reflection. Dismissed when the mind moves on and busies itself again. Really, most of the time, it drowns in a sea of love. So he doesn't think about it too much. But it accumulates these days.

_It accumulates and it's starting to weight heavy in his chest._

He doesn't address it though. He keeps nodding and giggling when people reference his love for food, his shallow mentions of diets, his round squishy face. He laughs and smiles, because those people he loves. And they love him too. He knows. Nobody is ill-intentioned and it's all good natured. Perhaps that's what makes it worse in a way. Because you have very little room to object or be angry when you know it's harmless. You can be a little offended. As much as your persona will allow for it. With small gasps and laughter that comes just a little harder than naturally.

But it remains hard to address. Because sometimes it hurts weeks after. When he's starkly reminded by looking at a cupcake and thinking, _no no, I shouldn't_. And that's when it becomes an issue. When you start policing yourself, when you grow self conscious all on your own, in your own head. When there's nobody to make a remark, but you hear them all, the remarks, ringing in your ears just as loud as if they'd been pronounced.

_"I want to get prettier."_

But what does that entail? How much prettier? How do you be prettier? According to whom's standards? Plenty of questions that'll never be really asked, or answered. They should be, because that would save a lot of trouble. Time too. Talking helps most of the time. Talking is sadly, the things people are least likely to do.

He doesn't want to be the one who ruins the spirit. They're doing so good these days. Why ruin it with that sort of worries? They're so personal. Surely they can't be shared. Not by people who look like they do. He takes plenty of pictures, all the time. He forces himself out there, for all to see. He's happy. He's happy. He's happy. Perhaps, while trying to convince others so hard, he'll convince himself too. He's happy to be the way he is.

Today he's not happy. He's tired and he's quiet. And it doesn't quite fit the bubbly persona. But off days are allowed. His friends notice. Of course they do. Nobody really knows what to do when the mood maker just isn't in the mood.

Jay brings him food. Because he loves food. And it's been cooked specifically for him. There are no real words, just a quiet attempt at cheering a friend up. He smiles and nods. Then looks down at the plate and sighs. Food never lets him down. But he's not sure he wants food to be his mean of comfort right now. Ni-Ki comes later on, with a glass of water and an arm that drapes itself around the other's shoulder. He doesn't say much either, the kid's a firm believer that he's bad with words. So he rubs his hyung's back for a while, staring in the distance. Heeseung comes next, and asks: "Are you alright?" And because he's not sure how to voice how he is, the dongsaeng nods and smiles. Heeseung is constantly anxious, he shouldn't be overburdened. The eldest nods firmly in return and adds: "I understand that sometimes quiet is good. But if you eventually feel like talking, I am here." His eyes travel to Ni-Ki as well who too, offers a nod. Because Ni-Ki doesn't seem to want to go, he indulges himself. And shifts to press his head on their maknae's shoulder.

The food is growing cold. Tteokbokki is still decent when cold, though. He could have it. It's there. He just has to reach out. And is fairly certain he'll feel good after. So he doesn't, because he doesn't want to potentially fuel more remarks. Sunghoon comes, takes a good look at the scene. Eventually focuses on the food. And eats the damn Tteokbokki with his fingers. "Ah mian." He says, fairly unapologetic. "I just love food, okay? Like a lot, probably more than you."

Sunoo's lips curl up. "Do you now?"

"I do." Sunghoon replies. "I love food. Everybody loves food, it never lets you down."

Sunoo chuckles. "True." He replies quietly.

"That's why I'm never going on a diet." Ni-Ki says, like he's slowly finally catching up on what was going on there. Or at least understood a little better. "Food is just too good not to enjoy fully."

"Whose going on a diet and why do they wanna make Jay cry exactly?" Jake asks, approaching the three others. "You know how much he loves cooking for us. He keeps complaining about it but his smile when he sees us enjoying the food tells a different story."

"Right." Sunghoon says. "That little grin of pride with those wide eyes like he's about to cry? We should record it one day."

"We should." Jake agrees. "Sunoo should do it, he's the best at taking sneaky pictures."

"He's the best at taking pictures, period." Ni-Ki corrects.

"I don't know, Jake is sort of catching up on him recently." Sunghoon argues, just to rile Ni-Ki up. "And Jungwonie's got major cute capital with the dimples and baby face." 

"Please," Ni-Ki says. "Sunoo hyung's face is the cutest we have. All round and bright. It's the prettiest like that."

"Agreed." Jungwon says, wrapping his arms around Sunoo's neck as he stands behind him. "Sunoo hyung is the cutest member we have."

Those remarks that produce self-doubt, they're like the water drawing back before you've submerged in a tsunami. The sea of love never really disappears. It always returns, and it usually returns when you need it the most. Or course, it doesn't wash away everything. It can't. Ultimately you're the only person who decides what hurts and what doesn't. Moreover, it takes time to grow and learn how to understand and express what hurts properly. But, it's okay to hurt. Only positive batteries don't work.

**Author's Note:**

> Huh, yeah, so I tried something new? I don't know.


End file.
